Let me re-introduce myself...

....I am a mad-woman.

I apologize for my absence from the blogosphere. It's been a rather busy start to 2012, and it just so happens that from time to time, I completely wig out.  There is what I consider to be a good, enjoyable, stimulating busy and then there is a “bad” busy.  Last week, at some point, I tipped the scale over into the “bad” busy zone. The past few weeks at work have been near murderous. I can’t seem to catch up. I have about 14 different projects going on simultaneously on top of what would be considered part of my HR “job description.”  By the time I answer one email, 5 more have piled up.  My phone is ringing constantly, and my calendar is booked with meeting after meeting after meeting. Then I start thinking about all the non-work-related things I need to do, and I want to vomit. Throw Jury Duty this week on top of everything, and I have become paralyzed. There is an obnoxious red blinking emergency siren going off in my brain, repeating “YOU ARE ABOUT TO MELTDOWN. I REPEAT, YOU ARE ABOUT TO MELT the freak DOWN.”

And I don’t mean to complain… wait, yes I do.  I know that complaining won’t solve a thing, but damn, it feels good to vent. And it’s my blog so I can do what I want. There.

Stress, the ugly little monster, makes it hard for me to breathe. He sits on my chest and squeezes the air out of my lungs and makes me beg for mercy.

He also gives me the uncontrollable desire to SHOP.  I may or may not have driven myself to Todd & Moore’s Store Closing Sale on a lunch break and bought myself practically a whole new gym wardrobe.  And while that satisfied me for about 30 minutes, as soon as I sat back down at work, the temporary high I got from slapping the Visa down on the check-out counter was overtaken by the reality that I just bought A LOT of non-refundable items that I didn't even bother to try on.  And, then I started stressing about that.

Once I start feeling stress, it just balloons from there. It’s a vicious cycle that spirals out of control.  I start stressing about things that aren’t even relevant. Last week, I started thinking about David’s birthday (that was this past Saturday) and how normally I am so good with birthdays, but hadn’t had time to buy him a gift or bake him a cake or do ANYTHING special for his birthday this year. (As an aside, last year, I baked him the most delicious Chocolate Layer Cake with Peanut Butter Butter Cream Icing and Chocolate Ganache. Heaven. He had maybe two slices.  As for the rest of it... I'll give you one guess where that went.)  Anyway, this was LEGITIMATE STRESS.  We are only on Year 2 of Married Birthdays, and I am already failing as a life partner.  Thinking about being a spousal failure wound me up into a near panic... If you are already slacking on David's birthday on Year 2, where will you be in Year 5?? Will you even acknowledge it is your husband's birthday, or will you be too busy cutting hot dogs into toddler-sized chunks?? Can toddlers even eat hot dogs these days?? Aren't they a choking hazard?? O my god- why don't you know this?? You are going to be a terrible mother!!!!

And my stress monster just throws his head back and cackles in my tear-streaked face.

I told you. I am losing my mind. The only known cures for my stress are chocolate, treadmills, and wine.  Tonight, I am opting for the 3rd anecdote. Lots of it.  And the next time you hear from me, I will appear to be sane. I promise.  Just not today.