Dog Grooming 101

I can officially add dog-groomer to my list of marketable characteristics.  One day, I am going to be folding laundry and hear a knock at the front door, and there will be a short, smiling man in a pin-stripe suit there to deliver me an award for being the woman who holds the record for the most Short-lived Hobbies on Earth. I am imagining a Publisher’s Clearinghouse-esque experience. It’s going to be great.

On my lunch break today, I decided to go buy a complete dog grooming kit and then spend this evening experimenting on Sam.

Sam is a Springer Spaniel, nearly 6 years old, and quirky and full of personality. His facial expressions are unreal. I swear one day he is going to open up his mouth and just start talking to me about what he sniffed in the backyard that morning, like he’s been talking all his life.  I already know what his voice would sound like and everything.

If I had a single complaint about the little guy, it would be that he sheds more than should be caninely possible.  With all the fur I vacuum up on a weekly basis, I don’t know how he isn’t bald.  Sam is phobic of vacuum cleaners, so he is tortured regularly.  As soon as I open the hall closet where we keep the vacuum, he barrels out of the room where he happens to be snoozing, with a panicked expression on his face and shoots like a bullet out of his doggy door into the safety of his backyard until I am done.  The other day it was raining, and that silly dog preferred to sit outside in the pouring rain than to be trapped inside with the humming monster.  I told him that if he didn’t shed so much, I wouldn’t have to pull out the Death Device so often!  He just blew a big puff of air through his nose and turned his head away. He’s telling me that he can’t help it.

We have tried just about everything to curb the shedding- the "furminator", undercoat brushes, normal brushes, shedding mitts, special shampoos and potions, weekly baths, and even “shed-reducing” pills that I am sure were a scam.  Nothing works.  The only thing that reduces the amount of fur he is shedding is for us to keep his hair cut really short.

Well, I am tired of forking over $60 to the dog-groomer every month for her to spend 15 minutes shaving him down with an electric razor while she watches Days of Our Lives.  His haircuts cost more than mine, and he doesn’t get side-swept bangs or anything.  How hard can grooming a dog be?  My math works out that spending $50 on a dog grooming kit will pay for itself after approximately 12.5 minutes of use. Now, that is a deal that I can handle.

Here is Sam's before picture:

This evening, I discovered that the dog-groomer is definitely getting an entire episode of Days, and perhaps some Young & The Restless in, while she trims him up. Grooming a dog is way time consuming.  

Two hours later, sweating and completely covered and itching (and I mean, COVERED) in dog hair, we are through.

Sam's After Picture:

David helped me with his ears-- we played the game of "a little more on the left... now, a little more on the right." Getting them even was difficult, so now they are about 6 inches shorter than the before picture. Sam doesn't seem to mind though.

Now, I know that Sam's new 'do is not a professional job. The pictures actually make it look much more even and smooth than it really is. I now realize that dog-groomers are licensed for a reason. However, I figure with all the money I am saving by butchering my dog's fur coat each month, I'll have enough saved up for the Frye boots I've been eyeing by November.